2 Became 1

Some friends of mine got married this week...it was....an awesome experience to witness. When two people become one before God...two then three--so symbolic of the Holy Trinity.

It was so freaking awesome...and sad for me. It meant in a sense losing a friend. All my friends at present are married--a lot of them have gone on to have kids/career/life happened for them. In my case it is down to me...

I never thought it would be this way for me...and then again life is never really anything or anyway that we thought it would be. Lots of things have happened to me that i never thought would happen--it was never for me to decide what happened, but how I got through it.

So at this point all my friends are married...and it is just me. I really fight the feeling that something is wrong with me. All I can really do is focus on my life path and pray that God will bring me someone. Because it...can really hurt not having someone there to talk too.....every moring waking up and not being able to experience that---warmth that I keep hearing about right there by the pillow and your arm.

Small pecks on the check-weight pressed on your back as she cover you with her body like a small cocoon...

Often times the way my friends will say that relationships are hard work and I should stay single for the rest of my life and be a monk. Now I know they are joking...some of them anyways...but it hurts--
or other times some of them in really bad/biter relationships cheapen my dreams, goals and ambitions.

They make it seem as if my experiences and travels are cheap attempts for compensating my loneliness.

And while a lot of people think I'm funny---to be honest it really is a disguise..I guard myself so much...I've been hurt over and over again....it is just so hard to believe all the women in my life have been taken or not intrested in me....and then again to be fair I have not tried in 3 years. I did recently, but that did not go well...it is just hard to be cynical--

I'm getting older and am tired of being single.

It is so funny that many people think that I've got it all together...but I do not. It is like that Queen song...each morning I get up I die a little...I'd like to be alive once.