Check Yes or No and No and No....

Darlene,Darlene, Darlene...

My blogs usually refrain from the "blast from the past" syndrome.

It was funny how my best friends found out about the last time I spoke to her. It was right after the funeral of my brother that she called-- (sighing)

I could never understand why she would apologize for so many things that she did wrong and too me--and ALWAYS under bad circumstances. Oh, I'm not going to play victim in this situation...

I remember that I did one thing bad myself. I ripped into her really good (If I know you well enough I can do a decent job at pushing the right buttons--I used to be proud of it...,but afterwhile you do not have many friends.)

She invited me out for a meal with other friends that I lost touch with...we talked, laughed and all those overly used clitches you can come up with.

Of course I had to ask why she would ever come up with this stalker theory of hers.

Because I was quiet and stayed away from her--see here is the thing. While, most guys who have guile want to be with the lady 247--I run for the border. Its either that or I talk to much with the occasional stutter...or red in the face from embarrassement.

I was like what? I act the opposite of what you expect and come up with this?

I guess what surprised me the most was when she gave me her number--and wanted to have a night out again--she gave me her number.

After she left...I thought about it for about a week.

There was a letter that I had wanted to give her that I never did...later on at about 3 in the morning and I know because it rained that night. I--knew that I had nothing to lose or gain.

My life at times seems to be more lose than gain.

I told her all the things within my heart--it was an intense letter that I had written so many times to near perfection. I guess--confirming what she already knew.

I do remember wanting to cry. Cry because I felt guilty during my time of grief, cry because I had lost my brother, cry because how far did I have to go to lose it all? I thought may be I was having a breakdown because I could not feel anything inside me....I wanted to love someone--and I couldn't do it.

It takes a lot to admit when your wrong. She did that to some degree--but she took something from me--that I know that I will never, never, ever---get back. What love does to a man...

In this world no one can ever get what they want like the song goes.

I never heard from her again...I figuered--one good turn deserves another.

I mailed the letter--because I could never tell her in person what I really felt.

I hope next time, I can do that face to face when I have a chance again. ( With someone else of course..)

Seize the fish.