Life is going to have to bleed to make me break

There are times in my running that I reflect on my progress on the road of life--

I know that I intimidate people and now know why...I am not proud of that when I say it--most of the times it makes me upset--when I decide to share it with a friend...

I have to back up here. I know it seems incredible that in my life I went through so much that most people do not believe me. The friends that have known me my whole life and knew what I went through and endured have a hard time believing it too.

And they saw it all.

Some people I know think when am I going to kill myself. I know because they have told me after all that I went through they would have...it never really crossed my mind or was an option.

Why would it be?

Life is a journey of unexpected s-- I like to finish what was started.

Thanks guys for the credit is what I thought to myself.

I--realize when I share my life with a few...I tend to lose a few friends or get a few weird looks...like they think I'm going to go ballistic. Man--school sucked hard for me...but I never had thoughts of shooting people at lunch time in the library.

I--have had my moments of tiredness with life. Like a soldier tired of battle and the killing...

I have had my moments of bitterness...I do have a hard time trusting people.

More so with women.

There is no normal to over use a clitche. There are no guarantees, there are no specifics, and there are no supposed to be's. Life just is--what we do with it is up to us...and the life we accept from God a gift. That is gift--but there are still no guarantee's--

We make the best of what He gives to us and praise Him for it.

It sounds harsh, but look at Job.

My beatings have nothing on Christ--He endured that for me.

My fear of rejection is little compared to His when God for a moment turned away from Him to endure the Cross and then death. Rejection--from a woman is nothing--to be forsaken by your Father...I do not want to think about it. Because that moment is what is the eternal choice many will make for themselves when THEY turn God away...

Hell will be more than the fire. It will be the eternal separation from God....

My brother's death as many others...is the wages of Sin.

No one should really be shocked when someone dies.
It is a fact in this world.

All I have endured is because God carried me through...I could never give in. I can never give up. It was not the way I was designed...all--my whole life confirms that because God gave me more than I could handle--and I am still here.

It resulted in growth.

And Lord willing He will let me see another day.

Seize the fish.

Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.
Sir Winston Churchill, Speech, 1941, Harrow School
British politician (1874 - 1965)